Background info

It’s time to be brutally honest with myself. Two years ago I was in a no where relationship and a horrible job. It all got to be too much. I had a nervous breakdown. The downward spiral began there. The doctor put me on paxil and some other medication that kept me out for a week. I stayed on the paxil for a year. I can make excuses and say it was the drug, but it was me too because I gave up on life at that moment. I got a sweet job that I only worked til noon everyday for fulltime pay. I slept about 18 hours a day. I gained 25 pounds. I was already at 160. I took in this loser guy and let him take all the money I had.

In May, I wised up. I threw him out (after paying to fix his van so he could leave). I stopped taking the paxil. In July I joined weight watchers and after two months, I had lost 10 pounds. I never started working out and the next year began. It was too hard and I got back on other kinds of medication. They all made me tired. I stopped the medication, but I ate. Anything I could and everything I could. Here I am back at 185.

I have a closet full of clothes in the wrong size. For the last two years I have been rotating through the same five outfits. I have avoided dating. I have avoided going in public. I don’t even want people stopping by. I go shopping and I buy another pair of pajamas because everything looks bad and I can only imagine hiding in my house in something comfortable.